I suddenly felt the need to say how grateful I am for everything that has happened this year. So grateful. Sometimes, I carry the pain like an awkward purse that never quite hangs gracefully on my shoulders and sometimes I wear the joys like lead boots that keep me stuck in those singular moments of pleasure but man, without these experiences, I could not be who I am in this present moment as I stand in front of myself in front of the self I broke out of in front of the self to which I was once attached. The last four years of my life in this city, in this person, in this cloak of fear and pretense have been something for sloppy poems and sitcom episodes. But I am really grateful that I am present in this presence and available in this way and open to all His divinity.
For the past 3 months, I have only been able to think about my visual arts practice in terms of text and words. When I first began making art and left behind more writing-based pursuits, I could only think in terms of images. I wonder what this shift means in terms of a writing homecoming and a departure from image-based work.
For the past few months, I have engaged in three activities that are beginning to return my energy and spirit to their rightful location:
1. prayer + meditation — because it reminds me to me mindful of my actions and divine process … and to remember that I cannot do it all
2. weight training - because pushing past the burning pain of a set or that feeling of complete exhaustion is more of an emotional triumph than a physical triumph … the choice to carry on and transform physical pain into something new and useful is a reminder that pain though present is ephemeral and that we graduate to levels of sustaining pain but more so we train our minds and bodies to make sense of pain in ways that do not become self-destructive
3. photography - because the process of photographing and working on projects has helped me realign my passions and priorities